An August afternoon in Bath. The weather’s being kind to tourists and photographers alike, and the street performers are out in force. In the heart of the city, a man’s making bubbles, to the delight of a crowd of children. I stop to watch as he lifts a net out of a bucket of soapy water and sends a myriad giant rainbow-tinted bubbles skywards. The children shriek with joy. As generations have done before, they chase the bubbles with outstretched arms, only to see them vanish at the smallest touch. I stand fascinated as the bubble man lifts a different net into his bucket. This net creates just one enormous bubble. The crowd holds its breath as he lifts it. A tiny, blond toddler stands very still immediately in front of the bubble man. The man manoeuvres the bubble skilfully until it surrounds the enraptured child. For a brief second, he and the child are enclosed, then the bubble’s gone and the chase resumes.
I’m at the beginning of my eighth decade on this earth, yet something in me still connects with the magic of chasing bubbles. I’m sufficiently wise now to know they’ll always burst at a touch, but still a child enough to feel the delight. It’s a delicate balance though. There’s a place somewhere between longing to catch and control things that are essentially ephemeral, and becoming cynical because I know it’s not possible.
That place can be hard to find, and these past months it’s been particularly difficult. When a certain Donald J. Trump burst upon the political scene a few years ago, a friend remarked that it felt as if the whole of America was now in an abusive relationship. Over time, the parallels have become increasingly stark, and the relationship has begun to threaten not only America but the planet itself.
I think anyone who’s experienced an abusive relationship will understand how it feels to live in a bubble. The highs of absolute connection can be breathtaking, but the bubble is fragile and will vanish in a puff of wind for any or no reason, at the whim of the abuser. That Trump threw a plethora of tantrums when America rejected him in favour of Biden came as no surprise. The lies, threats and dominance displays were absolutely to be expected. So was the continued wooing of his base – that part of the American psyche that hadn’t yet seen through him and longed to be back in the bubble, a sensation painfully familiar to anyone who’s experienced that particular addictive craving.
Over the past four years, Trump and his team have woven deceits of such magnitude that more or less anything that comes out of his mouth these days is probably a lie, or at least a gross distortion of the truth. It’s textbook abuse, and increasingly hiding in plain sight as Trump, whether through genuine mental decline or simply because he’s confident he can get away with it, continues to bluster and threaten with impunity.
Suddenly I’m back in 1985. The fire’s burning low in the grate and there’s a distinct chill in my living room as four men attempt to manipulate me into submission to my husband.
The Bible says …
This is evangelical Christian marriage counselling, and it’s not a form of therapy I’d recommend. Small wonder that watching successive evangelical Trumpians insist their wives have no right to decide for themselves how to vote in the upcoming election has triggered the memory. The greater wonder is that I emerged from the experience unbowed, even though considerably sadder and wiser.
Abusive relationships, whether between couples, institutions and their members, or nations and rulers are invariably about someone demanding a level of control to which they have no right. This may begin with the addictive magic of love-bombing, a sense of deep emotional connection or perhaps the fervent worship experience of a Trump rally. However, the bubble will burst at a time largely determined by the abuser. From there the abuser will feed their chosen prey just enough of the original magic to keep them in thrall, whilst gradually ratcheting up the level of control.
Short of a miracle, the abuser has no interest in breaking a cycle that works wholly to their advantage. It’s a depressing statistic that the most dangerous point in any abusive relationship is when the victim makes a break for freedom. In the UK alone, two women every week die in the attempt. With this as context, Trump’s threat to protects women ‘whether they like it or not’ hits at a visceral level.
Doing anything to another human being ‘whether they like it or not’ is abuse. My Facebook feed yesterday included a sponsored post from Womankind Worldwide reminding me of the plight of women in Afghanistan. Under the guise of religion, the Taliban claims to protect women from predatory men who might become inflamed with uncontrollable lust. More than half the population – human beings created in the image of God, with hopes, dreams and aspirations of their own – are no longer allowed to sing, to dance, to have access to education, or even so much as to speak outside the confines of their own homes. The disciples of Trump want to take America in the same direction, because when push comes to shove there’s no real difference but the label between one religious fundamentalist and another. All of them are out for control, whether they abuse the name of Jesus, Mohammed or even Donald Trump to achieve it.
In keeping with the example of their leader, Trumpians view serial cheating on the part of men as wholly acceptable. However, for a woman so much as to hold a different view of the world from her husband is cast as disloyalty. For her to vote for the wrong presidential candidate is outright infidelity, and just ground for divorce. The double standard is breathtaking, and exposes as pure deceit any pretence that these people regard women as human beings. It also exposes the smallness, meanness and utter narcissism of the ‘god’ they’ve made in their own image.
It may sound as if I’m suggesting that America’s case is hopeless, but ultimately, there’s a flip side to all this. Abuse addiction is tough, but it’s not impossible to break, and often the decisive moment comes when the abuser gets overconfident and displays too much of their intent. Last week’s appalling rally in Madison Square Gardens may have revealed MAGA’s hand in the nick of time. The current scramble to get conservative women back on board certainly suggests a level of panic amongst Trumpians. We can only hope and pray that the backlash from the abuser will be minimal when he’s finally spurned.
In my last post I spoke of the way their campaign of hatred and vilification contrasts with Kamala Harris’ joyfulness and inclusivity. To quote Rebecca Solnit, writing on LitHub
“So many powerful forces conspire to try to convince us that we are basically selfish …That’s the story of human nature we get told the most. But in fact most human beings are altruists and idealists, which is to say we need a lot more to feel right in the world. We want justice and peace, want to live in a society that supports these things, want a relationship with nature, and we want that nature to be protected and thriving”
I believe it’s imperative to understand that opting for control is to kill all that’s good and beautiful in humanity. To attempt to strangle the wild and complex magic of human spirituality and to set up a false god in its place is invariably the road to hell.
bluesinateacup 